Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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