did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
