Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
