Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
