I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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