whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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