when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
