I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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