They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I AM VODKA MAN
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
