Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
