Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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