dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my shit smells like andre
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
