I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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