Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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