Don't you send me to vm
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
