I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
