This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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