hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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