i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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