Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
