how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
