i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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