At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
handjob tips. give me some.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
