i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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