Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
