this beer tastes like vomit already
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
