The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
wow bdsm is so cute
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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