Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
