Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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