I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
