Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
