Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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