i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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