I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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