One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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