i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Found the puke drawer
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
