He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
