I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
