Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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