I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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