i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
