i think my mom watched the whole time
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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