i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
