You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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