I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
