Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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