I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
