After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
