i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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