I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
