You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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