ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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