Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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